CRITIQUE'S CORNER- BE GONE FROM MY DREAMS - TOPABBOTT

A Music Video by TopAbbott's Son 

OK.
Time for Critique's Corner once again.

Today, totally at random, I have pulled Be Gone From My Dreams, a music video done by TopAbbotT's son, apparently.

I think the film (or music video) starts off brilliants, although I think he is a bit obsessed with the shallow depth of field. (I am assuming you shot this with a DSLR).
Like most 'effects', this one can be overly used, and I think you are in that territory here.  Were I doing this, I think I would have shot and edited this tighter, but the loose movement works as well.

The whole thing starts to fall apart at around 1:02.  Until then, you are making a very compelling film with a character and an arc of story. All good for holding my attention. (The teeth brushing scene may hold a bit too long and start to look more like an instructional dental hygene film, but OK).  In any event, this guy gets up, gets dressed, heads out and stops to pick up his mail. There's a letter in the post box.  It triggers a set of memories.

So far, really great.

Then what happens?

Apparently, not much.

First, his memories are in fact limited to about 12 shots that keep repeating.  Clearly, not much of a memory, nor much of  a depth of experience he has had with the girl who starts to appear in flash frames.  Here was a remarkable opportunity to create a sub-plot - a chance to create a truncated version of what their realationship had been, in flash frames.  This was an opportunity you didn't take, which is too bad. Would have made the thing vastly more interesting and more powerful. (See Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for a sense of what you could do here). 

No matter.

From here, things simply deteriorate to next to nothing.

You put the lead singer in front of a green screen (or mask in the background), and what do you delvier.

Not much.

Which is too bad, as the beginning was so promising.

I don't know if you got lazy or ran out of ideas.

From 1:27 onward it's the same 12 shots over and over, with the head, without the head. Boring.

The weird thing is that the lyrics basically lay out the script for you.  "Just when you think you've got it right.. she will appear"

Who has not had this experience after a break-up?

The music, by the way, I like a lot.

The music video should create the film that enhances the story and the music.

All this does, after a truly great first minute, is show me the singer with the same shots.

Come on.  Push it!

This goes on until 2:29, when a filmic sense returns again. 

Good

Then, after another 12 seconds of promise, we're back to the same old.

If I were your son, (and not to take anything away from what he has done, but I think it's only a beginning), I would recut this and reshoot it. Make the short film that this cries out for - flashback, compressed history of a failed relationship, regret, loss, etc....

Tell me a story. The lyrics do that already.

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